This process I am going through can probably be called a Disintegration, and I sure hope that hindsight will reveal it as the kind of Positive Disintegration that Kazimierz Dabrowski created his theory about, and not just a part of a downward spiral without a happy ending!
The process definitely involves many of the overexcitabilities he describes, and even though I work hard to keep it together most of the time, a part of me always feels as if there is no ground underneath my feet.
Being emotionally overexcitable quickly gets quite exhausting. People going through life without this peculiarity also experience exhausting emotions, of course, especially when living through heartbreak or grief, as we all do from time to time. But ever since I was a small child, I have picked up on many signals that my way of experiencing (or perhaps I ought to say my way of expressing) emotions was abnormal and unattractive. Other people just did not want to be loved that intensely, scrutinized to such a degree, or be around someone who deflated like a punctured balloon for every minor disappointment. I can relate to that, I find such displays of emotions in other people taxing, too, even when that other person is the one I am charged with guiding through life; my mini-me. Continue reading